This is war, Peackcok!

In an attempt to do something nice for Far-Away-Orange, I put together a package of goodies and tra la's and general nicey nicey (including a Lotto 649 ticket) and mailed them East, tout de suite (that's Francais for "at once") to Orangey.

Being that Orange was technically supposed to be home on Saturday, and being that I had to wait until Tuesday to find out exactly where he was staying, the package had to be mailed priority mail to make sure it met up with Orange before he boarded the plane to So'Oh. For those of you unfamiliar with the various shipping levels of Canada Post, priority mail is what one might otherwise call the VIP of Canada Post (regular mail, xpress post, and the creme de la creme, priority mail.) I'm guaranteed my package will be received in 2 business days or less = Friday at 5:00.

Needless to say, I paid a hefty chunk to get my goodies to Orange. More than one piggy bank was robbed. But it's worth it. He's Orange, after all... So I mail, and I sit, and I wait. And I talk to Orange and hope the next time he calls he'll say, "Guess what I got today?!"

No such luck.

Now, being that I chose priority mail my goodies came with a tracking number. So I dutifully go online and check the status of my mailing, and according to Canada Post my priority package is still sitting in the post office from which I mailed it.

Hmmm...

I'm told by the nice people on the customer service end of things that my package has "no doubt been mailed and is well on it's way, but being that Orange is stuck in some teeny tiny town, they don't have the materials to scan the package at it's destination."

Hmmm...

So I wait, and I talk to Orange, and there's no hurrah or yay or woo hoo or thank you...

Hmmm...

Finally I break down.

"Don't suppose you've checked with the Concierge today?"
"Yea, all the time, why?"
"Oh. Um. No reason..."
"Okay..."
"Well, um, nothing... came... for you?"
"You mean besides about 100 faxes?"
"Um, yeah. Like, maybe a... package?"
"Wha? No..."

Poo.

Being that it'd been a rough few days, the news that my well intentioned party-in-an-envelope went astray only added to my crustiness. Have you seen that SNL skit for Annuale? Yup. That was me on Friday. So I left work at 5:00 and drove well over the speed limit to the Post Office from whence I mailed my goodies and laid into the poor, well-intentioned Postal Clerk who of course "doesn't handle lost packages... please call the customer service number..."

Which I do. From the Post Office. Waiting 15 minutes listening to public service announcements reminding people to keep their dogs locked up away from mail carriers until "the next available agent could take my call."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear your package wasn't delivered. Let me track it on www.canadapost.com. Do you have the tracking number?"
"Yes. Of course. That's what I've been using to track the package myself."
"Oh, yes, I see that it was mailed Tuesday."
"Uh, yeah. That's why I'm calling you... "
"Oh, yes, I see there's no more information on the movement of your package."
"Uh, yeah. Again, that's why I'm calling you..."
"Well I'm sorry, but we need the package to be lost for a full 24-business hours before we can launch an investigation."

Being that it was Friday, "24-business hours" translates into 5:00 Monday which translates into Tuesday morning, before I can begin the ridiculous process of tracking a tracked package.

*eye roll*

So consider this war, Peacock. I'm going to the mattresses for my goodies. Challenge extended.

*right hook*
*left jab*
*floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee*

And if I don't at the very least get my package back, Canada Post will forever be blamed for my losing the Lotto 649 because I'm sure the winning ticket is in that GD envelope.